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November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
November 2009
THANK YOU
It seems to me that my weekends are usually spent worrying about stuff, and trying desperately to get work done. Then after all that, I still feel like I forgot something really bloody important. But it didnt happen today. Hmm. I want more weekends like this. rah.
So anyway, I was supposed to go for some free bowling assessment by aloysius, but I replied late, so he found 2 other bowlers to replace me and qing instead. No bowling? Not quite. I went to bowl with my parents and it turned out rather pleasantly, considering most sessions end up rather tense whenever any of us bowl badly :X I got 666 over 4 games. What a lucky number -.- But it was an average of 166, so it was decent at best, and could have been much better. I got a 201 game again, which is what I should be getting for most of my games. Credit to my arsenal today, which included MaxXx, CNV and my new-but-is-actually-ruiyis-old spare ball. This will be my arsenal at A divs and I think they should handle any lane condition relatively well. I can feel myself bowling better and with much much more confidence now. The scores will reflect this someday. Lets go!
And I came across this really nice song by Ruben Studdard, which I really like. It will be the latest addition to my limited collection of REALLY NICE SONGS. So itll keep me company while I TRY to do work. Wonder if i'll succeed. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Since the day that we met girl,
I aint never had anyone make me feel this way.
And my heart is sure it wants to be with you
Wanna give you the whole world
Without you here with me, Im lost and so confused
What will it take to show you I'll be by your side.
Well, most of the things that have happened for the past two days have been slightly better than it had been for quite awhile. I just hope it wont be temporary. Must keep pace, maintain speed, keep going.
I got back 3 of 5 block test results already. &#$%^#%$&#.
Not good leh. I really could have done much better, especially for chem, some of my careless mistakes were #$#$^#$&##%&%^#$. ahwell, not that I could have forseen those mistakes. No doubt, I could have avoided them by actually working harder and getting my foundation much stronger than it is, but still, no point dwelling too long on it. Move on. We all live to learn another day. I felt I did well for the econs paper, but didnt get the results to show. Math was expected hahahha. AT LEAST IM NOT LAST IN CLASS :DDD ziran you win 2/80. Ill just hope for the best for physics and KILLER GP. Dont. Get. Suspended. Please.
Especially not when Im doing better in bowling. 2nd roll-offs today, and I must say I actually did slightly better than my usual averages, albeit over 2 games only. I really ought to have brought it up much higher with the second game, but it is still a decent average, and Im a little wittle bit happier. 201 148 with an average of 174.5. I talked to gabe about it, and realised I actually bowl best when I forget everything, and just do what I know how to. That being just go up there, bowl, and knock pins down. Its simple if we dont think too much, and its called muscle memory. If I can get this point across to the team, it might help them improve slightly faster, which is definitely a good thing. Our mind can only remember this much, but our body can certainly remember feelings much better. It also remembers how a good shot feels like almost instantly, and all we need to do is press rewind, feel it, and repeat that shot. No point letting the mind mess with what our body already knows. Dont think. Just do it.
In all honesty, the team has to really buck up if we're even to reach our target at A divs this year. That includes me, and I know I should be performing at a level waayyy beyond where I am right now. I got lucky today, so luck has to change into skillz. I do feel quite bad whenever I see others crash and burn. I do it sometimes as well, but I know I've gotten over it, and most probably wont happen. At least not to the same extent it did last time. Its this feeling of helplessness, when you want to help them, but dont know how to go about it. I end up consoling them more than anything, even though accurate tips and advice will help, both their scores and morale. Whats most important now is getting the team ready for the massive A divs. As of now, things arent looking good, but we will make it work. Somehow...
Gogo massive team prep talk before its too late.
On the way home from training, I spent quite a bit of time talking to sufen gabe bryan about how easily someone loses faith. It was quite an interesting little conversation. We established how faith is essentially believing without seeing, blind faith etcetc but I also did get some stuff about what it takes to make someone lose faith. It was quite enlightening. I personally know for a fact that itll take a whole lot more to make me lose faith than most people, and Im quite proud of that. The mind will always be the one that rationalizes, and gives the heart reason to lose faith. Yes, but the heart should always influence the mind into never giving up, never believe that reason, for some things can hardly ever be rationalized.
In the end, it does vary person to person, I suppose. We cant ever make someone else feel something they dont want to, or to believe something they simply dont, just like tag and his post on religion, to which I strongly agree. Its true, we cant expect them to sit and listen and believe everything we say. Its up to them to decide how long to hold on to that faith, and when to let go.
I dont know about you.
But I wont let go just yet.
We need to talk.
sighh...
Well, we had our first roll-offs today, as selection for the school team. I didnt do very well in the 2 games that were counted, averaging at least 10 pins below my expectation. Its just funny how they didnt count the third game because we ran out of time, since I was starting to bowl more accurately and was much more relaxed. So yes, I stayed back with gabe sufen tag to bowl extra games. They bowled 1, while i bowled 2 next to them. First was a 176 then a 210. D: shucks. Im not bragging (at least i dont want to, so if it comes across differently, im not). Its just pekcek when you can do so well just after the crucial first 2 games. Now ill have to bowl wayyy better than I did during the next few roll-offs. Its proven that I can do it. Just have to remember what it felt like to bowl with confidence, and to BOWL LIKE I WAS BORN TO.
yeahhh, thats the way.
Today marked the first official school day of the new term. The school simply couldnt find it in them to give us, the sad chem/bio students, a day off from blocks. Its like being throw back into the Pit of Malice that we just came out of. ahwell, whatever. We'll have to go school sooner or later. It would have been a great day if not for the fact that I was feeling like crap the whole day. Headache, blocked nose, sore throat. GP was enlightening and CT was unexpectedly fun. We did this, 3 unbelievable truths and 1 believable fiction thing. The fun came from the stupid things we wrote down, and the stupid things we voted for. Ben was best. He wrote "I brushed my teeth this morning." and everyone voted it as the fiction LOL. Writing something like that down is ... asking to get ownt. My fiction was "I can do Math." :P
Then we had Math after CT. It was perplexing as always. Im trying, abit at the very least, but still..its like, Math and all. Hmm.
I guess I'm feeling slightly less mentally tired now. Its true when they say, things are miserable only if you think they are. There evidently is always two sides to everything in life, and we just have to view them from the lighter side. That way we stay happier and get things done. And I need to get things done indeed.
"Sometimes it's a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence." - David Byrne
How I wish. But then again, maybe you're right, it wasnt meant to be.
I want to sleep, since it helps me forget everything, and brings me into some magical world with rainbows and flying unicorns. No, I was kidding. but it does help me forget stuff. I dont know what to think right now. All I want is to escape. Its never good to escape, but at times we do need to. Without blogs or journals or friends, where people can write/talk to empty their minds, we might all just implode, explode, or whatnot. Why cant we be happy all the time, :/ How I wish I knew what to do, but I never did. Im learning, maybe, but its not enough. Not yet.
And chemistry bits are floating around inside my mind right now, so I have no idea what the hell Im typing. I need to organize those random flying bits and be ready for chem tomorrow. Life never should be this hard. But I guess if it wasnt, it would not be life already. It'd be heaven, somewhere we're obviously not in.
if you could see what I see, you're the answer to my prayers;
maybe this is what was meant to happen. nothing.
and while they were my own doing, it might be whats best. but ill never know for sure will i?
im tired of letting people down already. my head tells me i might not be good enough to make them proud, happy, so it could be better if i just left. yet my heart knows i should try and make things better. i dont even dare promise anything now that i know i fail miserably at those, and hurt those i genuinely care about. just that you'd probably, perhaps, maybe, possibly never know.
chemistry beckons.
everytime I get stuck the words wont fit
I need a little more than luck to get me by this time round;
I know what I want. But what we want is seldom whats best for us.
So why do people want it anyway?
What, then, are we holding out for?
Im trying to tell myself its everything we've ever wanted.
You seem to tell me otherwise.
I dont know what to think. Maybe its better if I dont.
Believe in all thats good in life. Focus on chem and math la dc -_-
I shall.
btw my complete NV is my wife, so she's a she.
So its been 3 days since the start of the holidays and my progress in chemistry is pathetic. Not to worry, my mugging efficiency is increasing, and organic chemistry should be done in no time. Chemistry shouldnt really be a problem if I focus on it for the week. I only fear for my Maths, since I really want to pass it this time round. HAHA. Who am I kidding. Its becoming increasingly clear that this blocks wont see my first pass in Math since sec 3.
nvm. at least try. if i fail, try harder.
This means I need to go for Maths consult sometime this week. Whoever wants to go together can jio me. Thanks.
"Worry a little every day, and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years." If something doesnt go your way, if it doesnt come out to be what you expected it to be, find a way to fix it if you can. Train yourself not to worry, because worrying never fixes anything.
I know you can. From how little I know of you, its obvious how strong you are. Dont ever doubt yourself for a moment. Its not easy, it never is.
life can be/is beautiful. we just have to know where to look.
perspectives do make a difference.
Talentime was yesterday, and it didnt turn out all too bad. The band and vocal group winners were rather expected, as I Crushed a Snail on Wednesday and Oral Participation won the 2 categories respectively. OP was damn funny and I only just realised lianjie could sing so well. :/ well done ex-socialservices head! The only surprise came when yanming, whoever he is, won the solo category. He was great, but still, not what I had in mind...whatever. I cant say he didnt deserve it, he sang really well. And justina said he suddenly looked damn sexy just because he could sing, so...it must have been some imba singing. Jiehui was IMPECCABLE! wth, I never would have expected it from him. Yes, I knew he could sing well, but his rendition of 'Superwoman' was beyond expectation. beyond godlike. Well done.
1 week till math blocks. HAHAHHAA. Ill just focus on chemistry now and do well for it. ahwell.
i know ive made mistakes. but loving you was never, ever one of them.
given another chance, ill fall for you all over again.
not that it'd matter if i dont do anything to let you know;
Liverpool 4 -1 Man Utd
I told you a thrashing beckons. I LOVE LIVERPOOL OMGWTH.
If i get bored tomorrow, or rather later on today, since its 1 already, ill post about talentime.
No ziran didnt win. Iype did, just as I foresaw (:
i miss you, and probably will even more this holiday.
i just hope nothing changes for the worse.
Man United beckons.
Its the clash of the titans later on, and i will miss it. AS ALWAYS. Seeing as how Liverpool always loses to ManU when I dont watch, things dont bode well. Im serious. For 4 years, I have missed all but 1 match between Liverpool and ManU. And they have lost all but that 1, which they won earlier this season. Jia lat. But its okay. I know they have what it takes to whoop United's ass. And its not that bad considering ill be doing something fun even if I have to miss the match.
Gogo Liverpool. Gogo ziran.
Ill be watching talentime later at around 7, and rooting for ziran, although deep down I know iype will win D: It might actually be enjoyable and hopefully not what people call it, "a waste of money".
Had physics yesterday, which I might have messed up. The paper could have been much worse, but I dont think I fared well in this in any case. Too much careless mistakes and poor time management. Ill be hoping for a S at least, because it looks nicer than a U, and maybe S's dont count in getting banned from cca. Ahwell, now that that's over. Do well for chem, and dont get that a U, or S for that matter.
goddamn. i freaking despise myself for making you feel so bad. then again, i keep doing so, but end up not doing ANYTHING to help you make it through. gahhh. why do i always panic in front of you. its becoming a habit. how the hell can panicking become a habit -_- wth la dc. seriously. wth.
;want time alone with you baby.
and we'll linger on.
time cant erase a feeling this strong;
After GP
This is the reason why I support Liverpool and love them so much. Their performances during matches prior to this one, were honestly disappointing and tough to watch. But just when you thought they were unlikely to win a match ever again this season, they rape Real Madrid, the giants of spanish football. I'll be heading over to jurong to watch this match later on at 1030, though I ought to be studying econs:/ whatever. I'll just go watch the match, I should be able to scrape an E tomorrow. Not that that's what I'm actually aiming for, but I just want to bowl for the school, the team, and for myself at Adivs. An E should be sufficient to get me there in April.
GP was %$#%#@.
I usually take a much longer time to complete the first question before I gain momentum and do the rest at normal speed. But wth, 5 mins for a single question is epic fail please. The paper was tough, but I think I managed to answer the compre questions decently. If I want to pass summary and AQ though, I must pray that I get lucky.
nvm. now that its over, theres no point worrying about something we cant change. focus on econs and make sure we do better for it.
Its also amazing I can actually mug in school without an mp3 as well. I normally just flop without the music, which acts as an earplug from the random chatter/sound other people make. I will try mugging physics tomorrow in school again, after econs. And I realized ruizi is as horny as ever hahahha. Not that its a bad thing, I kinda like it actually, hes damn funny. Like I said, I miss the secondary school days. From what he told me about KI, I think its a damn fun subject. I want to take KI D:
funny how it feels so right, yet hurt so much.
and now, i dont know whats right, nor what to do to make things right.
whatever. this feelings right. so we'll just see what we can make out of it.
you'll always be my baby;
your call
Ohmannnn. This new version of 'Your Call' by Secondhand Serenade is sheer quality. I'm addicted to it right now, though I still can't find it anywhere in .mp3 format, which is why I resort to youtube D: Walao, I want it! Must find it soon, anyone who has it please send thanks.
Anyways, blocks are in..2 days, or rather, just 1 day. I do hope I do well this time around. Even if I dont, there will be no regrets. The grades reflect the amount of work put in. If I didnt work hard enough, I don't have the right to complain. Lets pray everything goes well.
Dayong's advice on how to pass exams: Pray to God.
:D Nice.
Ive also been filtering through my sister's list of songs (its a huge list btw) to add to my collection of songs to listen to while mugging (or die trying to!). And it made me discover all the nice, old songs Ive missed out on. Ronan Keating's songs are just some of the better ones I only recently found out.
;if tomorrow never comes
will she know how much i loved her
did i try in every way to show her every day
that she's my only one
and if my time on earth were through
and she must face the world without me
is the love i gave her in the past
gonna be enough to last
if tomorrow never comes
so tell that someone that you love
just what you're thinking of
if tomorrow never comes;
what a song. what lyrics.
lovin it. lovin life.
week before blocks
I read through circular motion and dynamics which are, not as tedious. Gravity and thermal physics are killers. Superposition has been quite thoroughly covered during lectures and tutorials this year, so it shouldnt be an issue. DC circuits and COE are manageable. All thats left is brushing up and consolidating every single bit of info. Oh, and getting more questions to practice. Physics tutorial tomorrow will be essential and I will make full use of it. Exploit alvinlow to the MaxXx.
So, yes, my mugging efficiency is at an all-time low right now, and its a really bad time for that to happen. I dotaed today for the first time in about 2 weeks(i think). What a time to start huh, 3 days before GP. The fact that I'm here, and not doing superposition questions, is another telling sign. I hope it gets better, even if slightly, over the next few days. Mad rush before blocks. Haiz.
nevermind, lifes meant to be enjoyed. 100% winrate woosh!
lets convert that 100% to pure concentration for the next 3 weeks of blocks or so.
if i can focus that well while bowling, i can do it while staring at notes.
i feel wonderful because i see
the love light in your eyes.
and the wonder of it all
is that you just don't realize how much i love you.
you say it best, when you say nothing at all;
deep down, im screaming 'i love you.'
not that you'd believe.
not like you'd care.
A level results are outtt
That would definitely mean I need to mug harder, since based on boss's theory, we would possibly perform similarly to our seniors at our A levels this year. Damn.
I actually got to work on physics today in school DURING BREAK. Lol. That is an achievement in itself. I never EVER seem to work during breaks. Maybe during lectures and tutorials, but never during the dismal breaktime s62 has been getting.
And surprisingly, I had a pleasant day despite it being a friday, which are usually extra hiong. We had chem and I did not get roflpwnt by msliew for not doing my tutorial. Though she was kind of pissed at the class for not getting our reagents and observations correct, it went pretty nicely. Next was GP with drwilks. He was humorous as usual, in his 'my-vocab-is-95214342-times-better-than-yours' kind of way, so I liked it. Some 3 hour break followed, so a group of us went to highschool, then i headed to the library to DO PHYSICS ^^. Math was great, since I actually got to complete my FIRST INTEGRATION QUESTION IN 4 MONTHS!! And then I did like 3 more!
Hey, I'm actually not that bad in integration nor math - despite answering 'integration of x^3' wrongly :/ hmm.
The seniors came back today and it was fun hearing them recollect BMT memories. Aloysius had one whereby they were made to stand in the rain for a long time, and when the rain finally did stop, their officer came by to tell them "Eh guys, now we will proceed with our wet-weather programme." :D
I'm not sure what they think of their results, but they look happy about it. Or at the very least they aren't showing displeasure. I just feel sorry for our friendlyexcaptain gwen. Shes pretty upset at her results. Hope she wont brood over it for too long. Chongchen did great, with AAACD; adriel did too; benchan seemed disappointed only with gp, so I believe the rest were okay; and LIMCHEEHAO PASSED MATH. So on the whole, I'd say they did well.
Training went great, which was unusual. Though past trainings might not have been as enjoyable, I'm just glad I've been noting random mistakes, and making the effort to not repeat them. So bit by bit, I'd reckon by A divs I should be able to repeat shots more consistently. Had dinner with HCBA (hwachong bowling alumni, also called the seniors) and half of the team, at Fish and Co. The whole thing was so much fun. I cant wait for the next gathering.
Now that I've sorted out my inconsistent bowling, passing blocks is even more essential. No point bowling well, but not doing well enough academically to represent the school. 1 step at a time. 1 down, blocks are next.
only you can tell when its right.
deep down, i know it is.
perhaps thats what you're feeling too.
the times we spent together were never enough;
a level results am tmr!!!
According to weize, aka boss, our fate for A levels this year rests upon how well our seniors did for their A levels. While these may be fallacious remarks(wilks will be so proud :D), I choose to believe in this theory.
Seniors were slacker than we are.
They get good grades for A levels.
Therefore we will get good grades for A levels.
Wooo. I just love deceiving myself (: Lets all hope they do well, shall we?
Sanyu wants a quarter day tomorrow. I want to NOT see wilks tomorrow, since I still owe him my timetunnel :x Its weird because I'm more or less done with the thing, but I just don't want to. lol.
I'm now torn between saving up for a new plastic ball, or an acoustic guitar. pffft. Opportunity costs suckkk. Maybe I should just save up for both. But that'd possibly mean having to save up to $400. wth.
This post is uber incoherent. I shall exacerbate the situation. I kinda like lectures/tutorials now. Physics lectures have been surprisingly interesting this year, possibly because i'm actually attending them :D You have GOT TO love samuel tan and ong jy. I mean they are so cute. Free birdy diagrams? Coooolombs law? While people criticise them for being too slow, and messing up worked examples, they eventually get the job done don't they? It doesn't hurt when they look like fools to bring us a weee bit of fun, joy and laughter during lectures.
To make this post even more incoherent, I think Dr Wilks has impacted my life. So I shall inject felicitous expressions to my blogposts in hopes of being 'a worthy student in a top junior college applying to take courses in top universities in the medium of English.'
I don't even think felicitous was the right word for that sentence hahahah.
but we're still trying
So you should know this love we share was never made to die
I'm glad we're on this one way street just you and I
Just you and I;
i swore to you my love would remain...
we made life the way it is
its weird how things go wrong all at the same time. but i will not give up, cause i can make things right.
Trainings dont feel right nowadays. it just doesnt. Somehow i cant seem to perform during trainings, and nobody seems to know whats going on with me. Im happy with my bowling and all, but theres this air around the training venue/team that is frankly, rather suffocating. Maybe i just have to get over it, since noone else has this issue. Well, not that i know of. On good days, i average 170s-180s when bowling with my parents, and even 140-50s on bad days. Training averages range from 130-145. While it might have been much worse, and people might say that its really a decent average to be getting, i know that most of it has to be attributed to luck. I dont deserve even a 130 if i cant repeat shots, and if the feel of the shot is wrong. pfft. So much for being a vice-captain. There are so many others who deserve this position more than me. Guess i got lucky. :/
After a great start to the year, I realised ive been losing much needed steam in my studies. What a time for this to happen, not that it should in any case. On the bright side, i havent fallen behind in terms of my own study plan for the blocks. It could be because I set aside a whole week for physics revision, and i still have half a week left. You cant possibly fall behind schedules that are so lax, can you?
And its not helping that i havent been making things happen like ive been saying. i know. I will find out how to go about it. someday, somehow. So somehow, its been affecting me. It shouldnt. If only I hadnt made things as complicated as they are right now. sighh.
i know this feeling's right, when it hurts more to know ive hurt you, than to know you might not feel the same way about me.
though we drifted apart in distance, i still think of you as being right here. and although we have many new friends, it is our friendship that means the most to me.
lol. i feel dumb bitching about the things i messed up in life. Life doesnt suck, we made it that way. I made it that way. But, its not too late, yet. Do everything wrong (in training), and get everything right.
yes indeed, ill need to get EVERYTHING right.
go for it dc.
before physics spa
Physics SPA tmr. SPA is essentially a test of how well we memorise. From information I gathered through xiwen, tomorrow's SPA will be a carbon copy of the one we had during mock - so we just need to memorise errors+improvements for the same 6 limitations! How cool is that! I hope i do well for it tmr.
\Internal resistance, fluctuations in ammeter readings, temperature thats constantly dropping as reading was taken, assumption that bp and rtp is 100deg and 28deg, 2 data points are not sufficient, internal resistance increases as experiment continues.
all of the things
that i want to say
just aren't coming out right
i'm tripping inwards
you got my head spinning
i don't know where to go from here;
its just you and me.
wth dc. get your act together, make things happen.
More about POP day
So, anyway, friday was POP and sadly, i couldnt make it since training more or less ended right about when POP ended. Then i had dinner at clementi SUBWAY with josh and sufen. We ended up talking about high school life, and i concluded that hwachong high school life > nanyang's. To say that its much better than life in nanyang is a gross understatement. As always, josh made me laugh till people stared at the 3 of us, all of them going '...wtf?' yeah, life back then was great. I miss chen gou, npcc, jeffreylim and ... basically every single thing in high school. God, were we crazy back then :/
Woke at 7+ yesterday to send my maid off at the airport. It was sad to see her go after 5 years with us. But she was really a great person, and at the end of it, i think we treated her more like a close friend than anything else. I feel bad for her, since her mother passed away a year ago, when she was in singapore, and she didnt go back to see her for the last time D: so i hope when she gets back to Indonesia everything else will be fine.
Had subway for breakfast with my cousins after that at ECP. FOOT LONG SUBWAY MELT DOUBLE UP FTWW!!!! damn shiok, since i was starving by the time we left the airport. I hanged around at my cousin's place for a bit before my dad fetched me to go bowl. 850 pinfalls over 5 games! 170 average!! Im finally getting back the accuracy I used to have before messing it up by changing my game. GOGO OWN AT A DIVS!
And my grand-aunt passed away recently D: though i only remembered seeing her once ever, it was still sad when we went to her wake later in the day. I saw her only about a month ago or so, during CNY, and she looked so healthy and bubbly. She still joked and laughed quite abit despite her age. Goes to show how fragile and short life can be. Its only been a month and i wont get to see her ever..hmm. I need to treasure life MUCH MORE now. We all do.
Live life to the MaxXx.
All that would mean I didnt do work on Saturday. Damn.
I sort of did physics abit more today, so, ill just keep doing that, till I sufficiently covered every topic tested.
I will do well for blocks. If I work hard enough, i know i will. Work. Work. Work.
p.s i may sound uber stressed out, but seriously, im not. i just set goals so i know what i have to do by when. im actually damn lax XD
girl, its not just a word. its our love story. one that goes on forever;