they say one cannot keep too much things to themselves for too long, theyll explode eventually. which is why im actually glad i have a blog, somehow. maybe the past year's making me on the verge of exploding already. i doubt most of my recent blog posts will even appeal to the 6 people whom i told i had a blog. cause its weird if half the world sees all the crap im typing hmmmm
i officially suck more at dota now, having abstained for the past 2 weeks. my usual beyond-godlike streaks - :DDD - have been limited to killing-sprees in the 2 games i had. i guess the drop in 1337 skillz are the opportunity costs for attempting to mug more and do more work nowadays. and i think its paying off, since im actually confident in doing schoolwork now.
it also helps that i do the same mundane stuff at home once i come back. on laptop>sign in msn>check fb, check mail>check mymym.com, djrickysmith videos> do work/watch tv. and when im bored of tv, and without a decent game of dota these days, i havent much of a choice other than work. so i tend to get started on them instead of using them as decor for my desk. throw in a couple of hours of running and you get the full picture, more or less.
yes, i've been an idiot, something you should already know by now. and i know how i might seem not to care about our friendship, but i just hope you will understand, that i do. i just need to put this feeling behind me now, because you deserve so much better.
but its getting so much harder.
i dont know if this is what you want. but i do know that you can be happier without all this shit im doing. you mean the world to me. yet im trying to lock you in a corner of my heart and keep you my little secret. how stupid huh.
Federer said after his defeat, "God, its killing me." now, its killing me.
Forgive me. Forget me. But please, dont hate me. im sorry;